Let’s dip in
Allow me to set the scene. I am the type of person who hates spice. My idea of a fiery meal doesn’t extend much beyond a butter chicken curry or saying, ‘ooh that’s got a kick’ after a mouthful of lemon and herb dowsed chips at Nando’s.
But here I am, nervously eyeing the hottest sauce that Nando’s has on offer.
I need to be brave.
Maybe my review can be based on smell only? But what if it singes my nostril hair?
A quick call to my mum, a few tears and I am ready.
I am planning to dip a finger into this condiment-based magma and swallow it down, ice cold water at the ready.
Cue, movie-style montage – complete with ‘eye of the tiger’ audio, shadow boxing and press-ups.
Time to get it done.
It feels like dynamite has gone off in my mouth, and it burns. OMG. It burns!
It’s all in the taste
Just an initial moment of hesitation and then five hours later, I am ready.
For a second, I was lured into a false sense of security. It has a hint of garlic, maybe lemon? Quite a nice first taste.
I even mockingly say to myself, ‘Hot my a**.’
Then BOOM.
An actual BOOM: it feels like dynamite has gone off in my mouth, and it burns. OMG. It burns!
I check the label just in case I’d accidentally picked up hydrochloric acid. Nope. Maybe I’ve swallowed some embers? Nope. It’s definitely sauce.
There is a lot of swearing. My eyes are streaming. People eat this for fun? What is wrong with them?
I’m not sure how long this lasts for. It’s as if the searing hellfire in my mouth has somehow distorted the space time continuum, while I claw at my throat and down water like a hippo at the water hole. Nothing stops the burning.
I cannot wait for the team to try it.
Team verdict
As a team, we start by reviewing the label and bottle. It’s a bit meh. Recognisably Nando’s with ‘XX Hot’ on the label, complete with bold block colouring and their signature rooster. It doesn’t quite have the nostalgic, classic feel of Hellman’s mayonnaise and HP. It feels like it’s missing something, a dash of creative pizzaz, maybe?
Next comes the taste.
Neither have tried it before but both claim to be hot sauce veterans. I nod and smile maniacally as they go all in.
AND.
I am a little disappointed. No tears, no cussing. Don’t get me wrong, they’re clearly feeling the inferno but true to their word they both like the hot stuff. All a tad underwhelming and lacking the theatrics of my own tasting.
Is it an AWESOMESAUCE?
A definite no from me. It’s not sauce, its lava pulled straight from the Earth’s core. BUT I am overruled, James and Mark are firm fans. They are unanimous in their agreement that this liquid hell contains the awesomesauce.
